5 Lessons People Learn From Divorce

5 Lessons People Learn From Divorce

by Sep 16, 2020Divorce

When you spend a significant amount of time around people who are going through (or have already completed) the divorce process, you learn a lot about how people cope. While it’s true that everyone’s experience is unique, many people come out the other side of their divorce having learned similar lessons.

Below are five lessons people learn during or after their divorce. If you are currently going through a divorce and struggling with the process, we hope this information might help take the edge off a few of your concerns.

1) Don’t Try To Hurt Your Ex

Too often, couples going through a divorce treat the process like a war. Anyone trying to “win” their divorce by hurting their ex is likely to end up in just as much trouble as they cause, and frequently more so.

Sadly, the most common casualty in a divorce is a couple’s children. Constant fighting, bickering, and sabotage between parents usually ends with the children caught in the crossfire. You may feel totally justified posting a nasty message about your ex on social media, but what happens when your kids read it and you have to explain yourself?

2) Recovery Takes Time

Some people are filled with a sense of relief after their divorce, and others filled with despair. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about your divorce, but if you are struggling, that’s normal. In many cases, the person who initiated the divorce feels the most guilt and regret.

Whatever you may be feeling, know that recovery takes time. There’s no shame in seeking help, and there’s nothing wrong with telling other people you’re not okay.

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3) You Need To Plan Ahead Financially

Regardless of where you are in the process, you need to start making plans for your financial future. As soothing as a retail-therapy binge may be, it’s probably not the best way to start getting your finances in order.

Because divorce is typically such an emotional issue, it often leads people to make poor choices that come back to bite them down the road. Speak with a financial planner if you can, and try to commit to saving your money until your divorce is finalized.

4) Your Children Will Be Affected No Matter What

No matter how hard you and your ex might try to have an amicable, low-stress divorce, your children are going to be affected. Children often feel responsible when their parents go through a divorce, and it’s critical for you to watch for signs that they may be struggling.

If you do notice your children’s behavior change, seeking professional help immediately can help prevent additional problems for them and for you down the road.

5) Choose Your Attorney Wisely

Choosing a divorce attorney shouldn’t be done capriciously. Take your time and speak with at least a few before making a final decision. If you’re not sure what to ask a lawyer when you meet with them, here are some questions we recommend.

Remember, this is your life and your decision. If you hire a bad attorney and your divorce doesn’t go well, your attorney still takes your money and just moves on to the next client. You, however, will have to deal with the repercussions for much longer.


At Vonder Haar Law Offices, we offer every client a free phone consultation to discuss their unique situation and determine how we can help. To arrange a consultation, please fill out the adjacent form or call us at: (707) 529-3200.

We provide representation in California State and Federal Courts. We accept most major credit cards for your convenience.

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