Yes, You Really Should Tell Your Divorce Lawyer Everything

Yes, You Really Should Tell Your Divorce Lawyer Everything

by Jul 10, 2019Divorce

Outside of therapy, telling anyone the most intimate details about your marriage (good and bad) can be painful, awkward, and maybe a little embarrassing. However, if you are getting a divorce, it’s essential to be completely honest and forthcoming with your divorce attorney. Holding back information will only make it more difficult for your lawyer to do their job, and could end up hurting your case as a result.

Why Does Your Attorney Need To Know Everything?

It’s important to understand that your entire divorce is based on the information you and your ex share with your respective attorneys. Your lawyer’s legal strategy and advice are based on the information you give him or her.

The best way for your attorney to achieve the outcome you want is to have as much information up front as possible, in order to be as well-prepared as they can be before your case goes to court or mediation.

Here are some examples of things that, while difficult to share, your attorney should know about when handling your case:

  • If you’ve ever had an affair
  • Any drug or alcohol addiction or treatment
  • If you’ve ever been the subject of a restraining order
  • Any large purchases you’ve made without your ex’s knowledge
  • If you’ve ever been arrested
  • Any instances of domestic violence or child neglect

Hiding any of the above information from your attorney will only hurt your case in the long run. Furthermore, there’s an excellent chance your ex-spouse’s lawyer will find this information anyway, and try and use it against you. If your own lawyer doesn’t know about it, they can’t be prepared to help you defend against it when it comes up in court or mediation.

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Whatever You Share Is 100% Confidential

Here’s the good news: whatever information you share with your attorney is 100% confidential. What you tell your lawyer is protected by attorney-client confidentiality, which means your lawyer legally cannot tell anyone else what you’ve told them.

Additionally, while the details or your private life may seem embarrassing, there’s a good chance your attorney has seen and heard far worse many times before. A good lawyer will not only help make you feel comfortable sharing information, but they’ll also know which questions to ask.

Just remember that if your lawyer asks you about something, there’s a reason for it. You may not immediately realize or understand the importance of specific details of your marriage, but your attorney will help explain why they are important during your case.

Taking The First Step

If you’ve made the decision to get divorced, but haven’t taken the first step of speaking with an attorney yet, that’s okay. Finding the right lawyer is just as important as the decision to get divorced in the first place.

At Vonder Haar Law, we understand how difficult taking that first step can be, and we welcome the opportunity to hear your side of the story. We offer all new clients a free phone consultation, and we’ll gladly answer any questions about the divorce process you may have.


At Vonder Haar Law Offices, we offer every client a free phone consultation to discuss their unique situation and determine how we can help. To arrange a consultation, please fill out the adjacent form or call us at: (707) 529-3200.

We provide representation in California State and Federal Courts. We accept most major credit cards for your convenience.

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